Questions to ask your partner about the future

What's something you want to learn in the next year?

Then ask What could I take off your plate to make room for it?

Why it works Shows where they want to grow, and how you can make space for it.

What's one thing about our home you want to change within a year?

Then ask What would it cost, and how much is it worth to you?

Why it works Finds the change at home they think about, with a price to talk through.

What's a money goal we could hit together in twelve months?

Then ask How would we celebrate hitting it?

Why it works Gives you a money target to work toward as a team, with a reward.

What would make next year feel like a great one for us?

Then ask How will we know it's working halfway through?

Why it works Tells you what a good year means to them, so you can aim for it.

If we built something together, a business, a garden or a house, what would it be?

Then ask Who'd be in charge of what?

Why it works Tells you what they'd want to build, and how you'd split the work.

What adventure would scare you a little, but you'd do it if I came?

Then ask When could we try a small version of it?

Why it works Shows how brave they want to be, and how much you help.

What did you dream about doing as a kid that you still secretly want?

Then ask What's stopping it now?

Why it works Reaches back to an old wish that still has a hold on them.

What's a big, slightly ridiculous goal you'd want me to cheer you on for?

Then ask What would good cheering look like?

Why it works Gives you a goal to cheer for, and tells you how they like support.

Where do you see us living in five years: here, a new city or somewhere we haven't thought of?

Then ask What would make you want to move?

Why it works Tells you how settled or restless they feel about where you live.

What does a good balance of work and life look like for you in five years?

Then ask What would you change first to get there?

Why it works Shows the balance they want between ambition and time with you.

Do you see kids, pets or neither in our future, and how settled does that feel?

Then ask What might change your mind?

Why it works Checks in on the big family question without pressing for a final answer.

What's a career move you might make that I should start planning around?

Then ask When do you think it could come up?

Why it works Gives you early warning on a work change that could affect both of you.

How do you want our families to fit into our life five years from now?

Then ask What would you want to protect?

Why it works Shows how much room they want for family in your future life.

What kind of community do you want around us later on: neighbors, old friends, a club?

Then ask How would we start building it?

Why it works Tells you what kind of people they want around you as the years pass.

What's something you want us to own one day, and something you never want to own?

Then ask Why those two?

Why it works Shows what they see as worth owning and what feels like a burden.

Where do you want to be living when we retire?

Then ask What would a normal day there be like?

Why it works Tells you the place and pace they want for the later years.

What do you hope I'm still doing when we're old?

Then ask What would you miss most if I stopped?

Why it works Shows what they love about you now that they hope lasts.

What do you want people to say about us as a couple in forty years?

Then ask What are we doing now that fits that?

Why it works Tells you the kind of couple they want you to be remembered as.

What role do you picture having with the young people in our lives later on, our kids, grandkids, nieces or nephews?

Then ask What would you want them to learn from us?

Why it works Shows how they want to pass something on to the next generation.

How do you want us to be different as a couple five years from now?

Then ask What could we start doing differently this month?

Why it works Tells you how they hope your relationship will grow.

What's one thing about how we are now that you never want to lose?

Then ask How do we protect it?

Why it works Names the part of your relationship they most want to protect.

How should we check in on where we're heading: once a year, every season, or never formally?

Then ask What would that conversation look like?

Why it works Agrees how often you'll look at the big picture together.

What's something about me you hope changes, and something you hope never does?

Then ask How can I help with the first one?

Why it works Gives you honest, kind feedback, along with something they treasure.

How do you think our love will look in ten years?

Then ask Which part are you looking forward to?

Why it works Shows how they expect love to change, and what they look forward to.

If we could live one year of our future in advance, which year would you pick?

Then ask What do you hope you'd see?

Why it works Shows which stage of life together they are most curious about.

If you could send a note to us ten years from now, what would it say?

Then ask Where should we keep it until then?

Why it works Gives you a message to your future selves, which makes for a sweet keepsake.

If we could add one ritual to every year for the rest of our lives, what would it be?

Then ask Where would it happen?

Why it works Finds the yearly ritual that would mean the most to them.